Chelley and Olandria and the reality of dating as Black women in America

Chelley and Olandria are two cast members of the current season (7) of Love Island USA on Peacock, and, on paper, they should have few issues coupling up with a man. Both women are beautiful, educated, and kind with fun personalities. Whether they are looking for long-term or short-term relationships, these women have it all.

So, it’s odd that neither have had a chance to date their number one choice and both have had to settle for the leftovers. Just trying to make it work like my mom three days after Thanksgiving. Seriously, though, what’s playing out on Love Island USA currently is a microcosm of the everyday dating experiences of African-American women. Let’s go through their options so far.

First are the men from their demographic group, who are also their socioeconomic equivalents. On paper, this is a no-brainer. They are from the same culture, same class, physically attractive, and educated. They are most likely raised with the same value, moral, and honor system, which is major when judging relationship compatibility.

Jeremiah: Status Over Substance

Jeremiah is the Black guy who will never end up in a long-term relationship with a Black woman if he has anything to do with it. Like a lot of men raised in Capitalistic patriarchal cultures, he sees the woman he is in a relationship with as a commodity. A way to show off his social status and social power. This means he cannot pick a woman who looks like him. Women who look like him are not valued in a white patriarchal society as much as women with European features.

Chelley and Olandria are immediate no-goes for men like Jeremiah. This is also why I believe his energy changed with Huda after she revealed she was a mother and slightly controlling.

Ace: The Ego-Driven Boy Next Door

As an African-American woman who grew up in suburban America, Ace is typical of the guys we like first as teenagers. He is the boy next-door. The first crush. Your classmate or your older brother’s cute friend. He is the man that most Chelley’s and Olandria’s in our community would end up with if American society didn’t devalue African-American women.

On the last episode (7), Ace chose to partner up with Amaya even though Chelley was available. It is clear to everyone, on the island and watching, that he and Chelley have a genuine connection. A connection that started prior to the show, off-camera, by the way. He didn’t even try and get to know Amaya before he was letting her know he was interested in other women because she was just a pawn. Her reaction was appropriate as he was just using her in his power games with Chelley. He intentionally wasted Amaya’s time, knowing she and Austin were interested in each other.

In the same episode, Chelley had to explain to Ace that dating isn’t about a woman auditioning to impress him, it’s about two people getting to know each other and deciding if they’re compatible. He was genuinely surprised when she said she “I’m not trying to be the perfect girl for Ace. I’m just trying to be Chelley,” because that is his expectation from women. He is the prize.

This type of man will never be honest about his feelings because he views emotions as a currency he can use to manipulate women.  Ace sees women as commodities like Jeremiah, but he is not a relationship guy. He uses women like pawns in his game of ego-boosting. He wants to see how many beautiful women he can manipulate because relationship power play is his kink.

Taylor: Smooth Talker, Soft Commitments

Taylor is a bit of a combination of both Jeremiah and Ace. He is similar to Jeremiah in that he sees women with Eurocentric features as commodities to enhance his social status, but he is willing to play the field a little more like Ace. He will also lie about his feelings like Ace, but his motivations are different. Taylor and Ace want to keep their options open, but ultimately, Taylor wants a woman who will give him the most social power, like Jeremiah. To keep all these women in play, Taylor must lie and manipulate like Ace even though it may not come as natural to him. He will lie and manipulate through omission.

Olandria has so far been the one who has had to bring up her feelings first for him to discuss his emotions. She has had to do all the emotional and mental labor in the relationship for just the short amount of time they’ve been together. I truly believe Taylor would keep a woman in a relationship long after he has emotionally left if he has no other options.

Austin: The Bare-Minimum Whisperer

Austin is your standard slutty white man. He’s Hollywood’s favorite option for the cute African-American woman. He is the stereotypical white male pursuant for African-American women in television and movies. The white women’s community dick. The leftovers, if you will. We have two of them this season, Austin and Nic.

Let’s start with Austin. His greatest gift is that because he has been with so many women, he has learned treat them as individuals and listen to them. There is a reason why this man is so successful with women. He immediately understood that Chelley was not a girl who would ever chase a man, respected that, and acted accordingly. Chelley is coming around to him because she sees the other options are not great, including Charlie and Nic.

Nic: Rom-Com White Boy, Real-Life Red Flag

Nic is the cute white guy you like, but he will never have a long-term relationship outside of his race. Olandria should not waste her time with this man. Men like Nic often show interest but rarely pursue long-term relationships with Black women. They can be admired from afar, but we should never waste energy on them.

Conclusion

Now, do you see why single Black women are exhausted? It’s no wonder a lot of African-American women have given up on the pursuit of a romantic relationship. If you haven’t yet, knowing the reality of what the dating field looks like for you is better than going into dating blind. Good luck out there and use your discernment, ladies. Know your worth.

Kai Wilson